I Have An Irrational Fear Of HIV

Thought Catalog

“Thank you God, for giving me a sixteenth chance.” Those words (substitute the accurate number) come out of my mouth every three months. Because every three months, when I have decided that the virus has been in my body long enough to produce enough antibodies for the test to detect, I go to the free and confidential health clinic in Chelsea on 29th street and get tested for HIV. The first time I went, I dragged my roommate with me, because I thought it would be nice to have a friend nearby while I hurled myself out a window after receiving the bad news. An extreme paranoia of HIV is incredibly overwhelming and consuming. Luckily I am not too bad – I only have minor panic attacks associated with fear of HIV, fear from logical situations – like the time I thought an e-mail infected me. I used to work…

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